While a good pineapple is hard to beat—sweet, floral, tangy, sometimes with a hint of vanilla flavor—a bad pineapple leaves you struggling to find a use for heaps of sour, fibrous fruit.

I'd always attribute the whole sad ordeal to a bad pineapple, but no – I was the problem. This is because the pineapples are picked and shipped at minimal ripeness. By the time they make it to ...